you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
