What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
