im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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