So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it's like heaven, but drunker
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
