I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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