tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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