so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i drank out of a bidet.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
