Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
