He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
