I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
