It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
