ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
