I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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