they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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