its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
