i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
