feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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