Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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