Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
