She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
