Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I lost the right to judge tonight
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