I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
