Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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