oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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