I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
