He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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