OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What a dumb baby whore.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
