You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
