Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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