you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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