The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
