Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
