Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
