there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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