Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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