My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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