Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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