I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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