i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
