8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
