We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
