Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
