worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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