please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
