I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
birth control should be required to get into college
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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