This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
