Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
