I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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