i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
