can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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