how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
