im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
