The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
