Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
