I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
