Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
being pregnant is like rehab
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
