I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
