Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
