My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
