she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
