Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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