I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this is an emotional support booty call
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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