32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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