do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
