You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
