We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
