I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
