my sisters under your porch take her home
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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