Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
