some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
