You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
