even my farts smell like vagina
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
