I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I will pee on everything he values.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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