If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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