If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
