Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
