One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
