PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
